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Apie bendravimą

Kilo tokia mintis, kad dauguma mano moralinių krizių kyla iš paprasčiausiai pervertinamo bendravimo.
Turiu galvoje ne skirtumus, kaip aš bendrauju su kitu žmogumi ir jis - su manimi, bet apie bendravimą kaip reiškinį. Man tai kaip.. sakykim bet koks meno kūrinys. Ar daina, ar knyga(ar šiuo atveju, sakykim, paprastas pokalbis) - visa tai turi nešti kažkokią žinią.
Vat būtent to aš ir pasigendu. Tada belieka klausi tavęs, kur gi ta prasmė, ką man suteikia bendravimas. Kuo toliau, tuo dažniau tenka užduoti klausimą ‘o Tu bent seki pokalbį?’. Nes žmonės net nuo to atprato. Iš čia kyla viena didelė problema.

Vykstant pokalbiui, kai mano pašnekovas nesigilina į pokalbį, nė nebando išgirsti klausimo bendrauja paviršutiniškai, svarbu pasakyti ką nors ‘į temą’. Čia panašiai kaip matematikoj: Kalbame apie A, aš paklausiu B(A), o man atsako C(A). Iš esmės taip - kalba eina apie tą patį A, nu bet negali būti atsakymo ‘pusiau į temą’, taip tiesiog nebūna.

Grįžtant prie pervertinimo - Aš iš bendravimo(ne tik pokalbio, aišku) suspėju savo galvoje priimti begalę sprendimų ir suprasti dar didesnę begalę dalykų, tačiau tai nevisada būna paremta, na… sakykim pasvertomis tiesomis, tokiomis, kurios turi neabejotiną reikšmę. Atsidūrus tokioje situacijoje, kai nuo pat pamatų visa minčių eiga(o jos įtakoja ir veiksmus) yra klaidinga, neišvengiamai kažkuriuo metu ateina tos klaidos suvokimas. Kas jį lydi? Didžiulė krūva klausimų, bandant vėl susieti visas mintis, svarstymai ir, aišku, prisigalvojimai.

Ir tada, galų gale, belieka paklausti savęs - kas vis tik nemoka bendrauti? Nes galbūt tai aš, jeigu man dažnai tai būna. Nežinau dar ir dabar, niekad nieko nepaklausiau ‘labas, ar aš moku bendrauti?’.

Ir dar vienas dalykas, kur aš esu beveik tikras, kad žmonės nemoka bendrauti.Paprasta situacia, kai į klausimą ‘klausyk, ar viskas gerai?’ išgirstu atsakymą ‘lyg Tau rūpi’. Taip, jeigu aš klausiu, tai man rūpi. Ir, kaip dažnai pastebiu, man vienam tai atrodo savaime suprantama. Ir čia gal neturėtų taip būti, bet toks atsakymas mane gal kiek įskaudina. Net ne pats atsakymas, o netikėjimas žmonių nuoširdumu. Jeigu aš nuoširdžiai susirūpinau, noriu gal padėti(kad ir vargu ar turiu tokių galimybių), tai mano supratimu mažų mažiausiai dar prieš tai turėčiau verstis per galvą įrodinėdamas, kad ištikro aš susirūpinęs. Po to, aišku, jau toks nebebūnu.

Ta pati situacija, kai pradedu sąkinį ‘Tiesą sakant<…>’ arba ‘nuoširdžiai sąkant<…>’, ir žmonės tai priima kaip bairį. Net nesvarbu kas skliausteliuose: ‘Tu graži’ ar ‘man tikrai gaila, kad Tau kažkas nepavyko’. Kažkodėl žmonėms tai sukelia juoką. Aš padarau tai, ko galbūt nedaryčiau(na, sakykim nutylęčiau ir pan.), o žmonėm tai - bairis. Aš juk vyras, man irgi ne visada lengva pasakyti ką galvoju. Kartais net labai sunku. Ir nu kaip Dievą myliu, neišeina man jaustis gerai, kai į mano nuoširdumą atsakoma tokiu pasišaipymu.

Kai stengiuosi bendravimą pritraukti nors kiek prie ‘tikrumo’, o pašnekovas užuot išlindęs iš po savo pokalbio kaukės, dar ir mane po viena tokia įkišti mando. Kažkaip pikta darosi. Ir kažkuri pusė tikrai nemoka bendrauti.
Vėlgi, galbūt čia mano problema, gal aš išmokau bendrauti ne taip, kaip bendraujama.

Visus kiek primiršęs,

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